Some aspects of “Fear of speaking in public”

29-April-2012

Good Evening Everyone!                        

Today I want to share some aspects of   “Fear of speaking in public”:

1.       We fear to speak in public because we are too self-conscious, because we give too much of emphasis on what others may think of us if we say something stupid or wrong. But the irony is nobody has time or space to remember your every mistakes, yes they may remember your mistakes or blunder for some time. But they all are busy in their own life and their own troubles that they hardly remember what you said.

It is because of this short sightedness we don’t stand and learn to speak.

So much loss for this little fear, So much loss for nothing!

I want to give a real life example to prove how human memory works, how long it retains something. From a worst case perspective: Suppose (I said suppose J)  I die after few days , this is the worst case the worst possible thing that can happen to me ( I encourage you all to imagine) now how long you all will remember me , how long ? One month, two months? I don’t know how long, but certainly not very long.

Now even if I die and the so called public doesn’t remember me for long then who do you think cares about my mistakes, it is a very natural human tendency.

2.       I want to quote, an insightful  thought from Dale Carnegie’s book on this fear “ Fear, is the result of lack of confidence and lack of confidence is the result of no knowing what you can do and that is caused by lack of experience ” I want to repeat it “Fear, is the result of lack of confidence and lack of confidence is the result of no knowing what you can do and that is caused by lack of experience and the only panacea for experience is to start speaking even if you don’t know how to. It is much like learning how to swim or how to ride a bike until and unless you don’t take the plunge to speak you can never learn the art of public speaking.

Thank you.

Can watch my speech on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RtI7YohLOI

Speak Ladakh You tube channel : http://www.youtube.com/user/SpeakLadakh

There are two things that I feel I should share:       

                                                                                                                                   22-April-2012

 First ……We see only few people have gathered to learn or improve their public speaking that may not seem very conducive for a public speaking platform. But I see it as a great opportunity to learn for a beginner. I see it as a great platform to learn from our mistakes in a small group of people.

Secondly …….It is extremely important for all of us to understand that we all have different levels of confidence. When we speak of ‘public speaking’ and there are many reasons, lack of practice or experience is one of it .Some can stand and speak with less fear or no fear. Some gets so feared that they barely can stand and give an introduction of themselves and I consider myself in that section of people.

Friends ….

We are not here to show how intelligent we are because I feel nobody is perfectly and absolutely intelligent and nobody is absolutely dumb. A great scientist may be, considered as an intelligent person in a modern world but he/she may be poor or know nothing about cooking or for that matter farming. It is because we play this intellectual game with each other we still fear to speak in public even when we are supposedly educated.

We are here, just to share what we believe, what we know, what others you feel should know

We are here to create a culture where we selflessly encourage each other to stand and speak.

Friends lets speak our heart … If it matters to you what more reason you need to stand by your believes and your convictions.

I welcome you all to speak !

Thank you

Why I feel Public speaking is important ? (My first speech:)

13^th-April-2012

Good evening everyone

Today I want to talk about why I feel Public speaking is important, why I feel being able to speak in a public is important for an educated citizen of our country.

I have been into education system for almost a quarter of century like most of us in this room... I have been to school and college just as the norms are in our typical education system. And then one of major incident happened which gave a critical shift to my perspective.

The incident which encouraged me to plunge into many unforeseen things in my life.

Last year I wanted to give career counseling to Ladakhi students in leh. So I went to LBA which is Ladakh Buddhist Association (for the permission).They were readily agreed to call all Ladakhi students on some holiday. I went to home and prepared some slides and then the picture of speaking in front of 100s of student came into my mind, along with that the fear and the doubts .I was so discouraged and feared that I just never call them again.

Now the question is am I worthy enough to counsel those students?

As per the educational standards compared to school the kids I think I am... Then what stops me from giving that presentation in front of those school kids. I feel our education system may give us all the knowledge and information in this world but it never help us feel worthy and confident to speak of same knowledge and information in public. Which I think is one of the most essential thing for an educated citizens of our country. The real beauty of education is, when it is shared clearly and confidently.

I feel we all are educational handicap in some way... If you want some prove take myself as a subject and think why I am not able to express myself clearly and confidently of something I believe too much! The answer is we are never encouraged to speak in public…

Guys ..inevitably , we are the future of this country, the demographic dividend of this country we talk

about and we desperately need great leaders. politicians, speakers and active citizens in our society.

It is because we , the so called educated citizens..don’t speakup when it need to be speaking..  we are severely lacking a good leaders in our country.

At last …I think it doesn’t matter how much you studied as long as you can’t stand and speak for the rights and wrong around us.

I welcome you all to SPEAK!  To speak your heart, where we keep our egos to ourself , where we shamlessly learn to stand and speak.

Thank you.

I think of writing a poem.........

I think of writing a poem

Many a times, in many of ways

Whenever something cross my mind of a poem sort,

Whenever I could see beyond my bread and time...

With no idea of what exactly a Poem is...

With the doubt, am I worth writing a poem?

I pen the first line and the second

Still with the doubt somewhere

But anyways I try and complete the second verse

And then I give an aerial look at it

(As if I was not writing it)

Is it making SENSE???

The Doubt there!!!

It is at this moment!

The very moment I must have buried many unfinished poems

Where I let my doubts win

Where I let myself down ….

But sometimes I don’t give a damn

And just write whatever I feel

And it shapes into an obscure form

Which I dare call a Poem!

And I feel very Good about it

Life is much like writing our own poem

Where we fight for perfections, where we live with many doubts

And sometimes we give up!

Because we are not perfect

Because we doubt ourselves more than others

But the whole essence of life is in imperfection

All we have to do is just BREATHE!!!

The poem of life will take care of itself

When we live the lines at hand…………

I think of writing a poem…

And I just wrote!

Screw all Doubts!

                                                            Screw all Imperfections!                                                   

  

11-March-2012

This Break up thing ...

This Break up thing ...

 A take away from my or should be from any break up !!

This break up thing become more than just a word for me ever since I broke up with my girlfriend (I still love her but not like as it was before, more of like universal love ) and I went through exactly same process that we can expect from any first time heartbroken lad. It felt like I am at the center of universe broken with the feeling of worthlessness as if I have no more reason to live , sometimes wailing alone asking myself how on earth this can happen to me(Oh!! how stupid I wasJ), how on earth she can do this to me... I tried Google; you tube everything that possibly can help me get over from this dirty hang over. I even wrote a poem which you can read on http://anchukda.blogspot.com/2009/10/blog-post.html(Titled Disposal Glass)....So In the quest I land up in many blogs giving firsthand experience of their pains. I really didn’t follow those blogs nor did I note their names or countries they belong to... but those were the common people thousands of them out of millions who could pen their feelings in web, who went through same experience and some far more painful than mine.

Which help you get your coordinate in this universe,

Which help you feel 'comon u r not the only one' ,

Which help you know this is/was a usual old shit whether you use it as an asset and take some good out of it or u let it suck your life.

For many reasons I was not able to pen this all down in my blog  ...feeling why should I expose my private life and perhaps due to my inferiority bullshit (complex) but as the time passed I could able to see it from a new perspective, that this break up thing is more of a phenomenon, more of a social tragedy than personal crisis, more of an asset than a failure ... Which give you no other option then learn and grow with this... Sometimes we need such jerk that helps you get clear of the priorities in your life... Which make you shift in your life statements from ' My girlfriend is my life ' to ‘Girl friend is a liability and wife is an asset’

When you lay down with the feeling of worthlessness, worrying and furious... I say you deserve it. Because it is only you who could have save it from happening. And since it has already happened instead of worrying I say you can figure it out why he/she   left/betrayed you instead of worrying, it would be more of constructive than brooding and wasting your time over it... And try to fill every single aspect of your life with those shortcomings in you , of you... I find it life giving!!!

Some Advantages of being single:

Before I brag few of my points in advantages of being single I would like to recall an instance of a story which most of us already know very clearly. We know that instance so clearly from our early childhood that we have taken it for granted!! It’s an instance of story of young prince Siddhartha who left behind his wife, kids and his whole kingdom for the truth he was seeking. Had it been not so important to stay and stray single for seeking the eternal truth of life Siddhartha would have never left his beautiful wife, kid and luxuries kingdom. Now before anybody jump to any conclusion I would like to clear that of course nobody wants to get enlightenment but we all do have many aspirations big and small which because of being in a relationship we can’t take that plunge. Our family has always been one reason for such dilemma but that’s inevitable.

It may sound absurd to many but I have breathed those entanglements in my brother’s (married with kids) voice while saying “Singles are gay (happy), they can go anywhere!” the statement was not as heavy as it was in the Martin Luther's speech but I could sense what he was trying to say. I know, to many it still doesn’t make any sense …to them I can only say wait till you get married with two kids. It sounds pessimistic I know but it’s the bitter truth we all have to accept sooner or later. So If you are single feel glad about it and make the most f it .

When you are single you really are free ... Free bole to full to free!!! As I am penning this down in bodhgaya the temple where buddha got enlightenment. Where he actually got free from all his entanglements. Ofcourse not as free likewise :) but at least you are actually free from all those useless arguments over nothing, of all those constant reportings of where you are , with whom you are , when are you coming back, had dinner? Sorry I am short with these questions perhaps I m already over with this break up or even relationship hang over ... I don’t have to elaborate you guys know what I am talking about. 

When you are single you can take out quality time for your loved ones (those who actually loved you always without any expectation) for your friends , for your family, for the world that was not in your perspective before when you were in the relationship cocoon and most importantly for yourself. Life is too short to argue over those small things, life is too precious to spend time with the person who hardly understands you... when/if you can reach to the world ... With the current technology boon... I feel now world is a stage.. Perform for your own sake.. Express it, live the world you always aspire to because you are free and have a new reason for it.

God knows if this make sense to anyone but to me it’s a wisdom that I couldn’t learn from my four years of engineering/education life.

--When Steve was fired from apple after a decade of his hard work to make an impression of apple to the world, remember for Steve it was his first love more than his girlfriend and kids  ... Of course he was devastated for sometime like any of us but as he said later '' getting fired from apple was the biggest thing that could ever happen to me because it led him build two new big firms ' Pixar' and ' Next'.

He learned failure is an asset which show up without prejudice 'what lacks in us' if we can contemplate ... saving god knows how many time of ours if we try to figure that out by meditating over it.. So if you broke up recently and feeling worthless ... I say you actually are worthless until you don’t put your things in order. Until you don’t prioritize your priorities in your life.

There are two aspects about any break up ...if you broke up recently with your loved one, first either you are wrong or He/She is wrong. So if you are wrong that means there's something that lacks in you or about you and the only constructive thing about it is to find what lacks in you and do something about it.I mean to say grow with it. And if He/She is wrong or cunning thank God that He/she is not your Husband/wife :).

Of course it will take some time give it let it heal , feel that strong emotion which we seldom experience, for such emotions are sometimes so rich that it can give a new turn to the civilization. We have witnessed many in our history ... And remember if you can grow with it.It’ll be beginning of a new life for you.

BEING SINGLE IS A BLESSING THAT WE ONLY CHERISH WHEN WE ARE NOT !!!!

One heart break can give you a closer look of reality;

One heart break can give you a real sense of maturity.

One heart break can teach you life is not always a bed of roses;

One heart break sometimes is must to learn humility.

One heart break can teach you when to  'let it go' & 'let it be';

One heart break can teach you the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

Guess thats why Paulo Coelho once said ' The one who've never experienced a heart break has never lived ' (Source Paulo Coehlo facebook status update on one fine sunny day)

For any personal feedback please mail on angshock@gmail.com

I Would love to know what you guys feel !